I been worryin’ that my time is a little unclear
I been worryin’ that I’m losing the one’s I hold dear
I been worryin’ that we all live our lives in the confines of fear
-Fear, Ben Howard-
When you’ve left your comfort zone, changed career paths and lost people you’ve loved all on the basis of a gut feeling things can get frustrating. There are days when you sit around thinking about what you’ve done and end up wanting to stab yourself with a rusty spoon. No one said the journey would be easy but no one really tells you just how hard it can be.
There are days though when you’re walking back after spending three hours in traffic two practicing and one trying to find a way home and you realise exactly why you put yourself through this crap. It’s because despite the fact that you are exhausted, upset and filthy you’re happy. You’re doing what you love and the world, well it will sort itself out eventually. The messes you can clean up and though they might not end the way you want them to things have a funny way of working out, they always do.
Of course you could always use a little help. Which brings me to the happy bit of my little rant. I discovered Ben Howard through watchlistentell one morning at work. Think of him as a grittier Jose Gonzales his music almost hypnotic making you mull over each song for hours. As bizarre as it may sound It’s the kind of music you would play for a life changing decision, a moment you know you can’t change or something you’ve decided to let go perhaps? He makes it easier, keeps you company and lets the world know you’re doing okay.
I recently rediscovered Ben Howard through An Upside Sounds post on a remix of the song The fear by moonlight matters. Since the album blends so beautifully into itself remembering individual songs is hard but I only needed to listen to it once to let the music take hold. It’s a little bit like revisiting an old lover you ended things with abruptly for no real reason. You know there was more and you regret ever having left.